The Fixers

We are fixers…many of us.

In an unpredictable world, with the things we care about, we like to have a measure of control. Often just the illusion will do.

I’m thinking about the grandmother with the disabled grandchild. She spends so much time trying to find a fix for her child and grandchild she misses time with her own supportive friends. I’m thinking of the adult child of the elderly parent who tries to make Mom’s life better and spends tons of time going out of her way to find opportunities for enriching her life; the mother often ignores the opportunities. I’m thinking of the father whose child has cancer and is grasping at straws for a cure.  There’s also the wife who is trying, to no avail, to get her terminal husband to accept Christ before he has a chance to meet Him for reals. What about the worker who reaches out to the homeless man, the addict or the criminal, throwing them a life-line they refuse to grasp hold of? You’re probably trying to fix something right now.

We fixers spend an awful lot of energy trying to “make our idea of right” on someone else’s life. Although we have limited tools, we have strong wills and know what’s best. We can make it better. For instance, I know how I would want my elder years to be. I’ve been in this body for several decades and know what stokes joy in my heart. I know if my mother would engage with the community, try to find some interesting moments, cultivate her sense of wonder, it would help her mind, her heart and make her day brighter. “Exercise!” I insist. “If you rest, you rust!” Nope.

We wonder why they won’t take our most excellent suggestions. Why won’t they listen when we KNOW?  Or sometimes we pray for their healing and feel God isn’t hearing our prayers. Surely, He wouldn’t want our loved ones suffering this way. But, God answers prayers always. The answers are yes, no, and not yet. He makes the decisions. We push, we give, we listen and we prod…it’s exhausting. Wouldn’t you agree, it’s exhausting?

But, what if it’s not that at all? Yesterday I was talking to my ladies group. The discussion revolved around when we think we know it all … we are nearly always wrong. There are MYSTERIES. Faith helps us accept the mysteries and not be fearful and stressed. We may know God is there. Why can’t we feel God is there? You may be afraid. Afraid you’re not going to like His answer. But, He does what is best and His love for you never waivers. Hopefully, one day it will all make sense and we’ll understand the way it works, but for now, we’re simply thrown snippets, sentences in the story and by the time our hubris has worked its magic, we have an entire novel. It’s fiction, of course.

God does things we don’t know about. God has plans we can’t imagine. All He asks for is faith. Where is your faith in the decline, the argument, the illness? Where is your faith that He knows what He’s doing? Where is your humble heart when you’re pushing the boulder up the hill, insisting upon your wishes? Are you screaming so loudly you can’t hear Him offer you a place of rest?

“My yoke is easy and my burden is light.” (Matthew 11:30 NIV) 

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus." (Philippians 4: 6-7)

Could that be the answer? Just love, and rest and remember Jesus won the battle for us?

Yesterday, my Mom’s community was offering a time to gather and plant flowers. It’s a memory care community, so there were people putting the pansies back into the cell packs and trying to whisk finished pots back to their rooms on their walkers (it made me smile) – but these blooms were for a party. I urged her to join in because she used to love to garden. She looked at her hands. “Look at these old hands. They're ugly, they look terrible.” I replied to her, “Mom! Those hands have comforted children, stroked your grandkid’s hair, fed the pets you’ve loved and done some pretty amazing things. I think those are beautiful hands.” She looked at me and said, “Oh, that’s so sweet. Thank you for saying that!” What if, what if it’s as simple as that?