(full disclosure - I use a computer)
My friend’s mother died 2 weeks ago.
This friend was my support partner in caregiving. She was the one I could call when I was being driven nuts…she would understand. She didn’t judge. She encouraged. Now, she is free…but she’s motherless.
Sometimes, there are no good options in this world. We can feel like caregiving is a lot…but we know not having those we love will be a stinging loss. I think it helps to look at our time here as stewardship. We are stewards. God sends us down here and says, “Go to this often-dark place and do this for me. I’m gonna give you some stuff to take care of. Do a good job, okay?”
We are stewards of the land. Stewards of our children. Stewards of our pets, who we understand often go before us. We are stewards of our own bodies, junk food much? We’re stewards of our possessions and, often, stewards of our parents. We don’t get to keep these things. We get to steward them. We do this to glorify God. As Christians, all we do is supposed to glorify God – it can be a daunting job.
If we look at the work of caring for our aging parents as an opportunity to glorify God, our perspectives can change. I’m not saying it makes it easy, but it makes it make sense. The Biblical definition of stewardship is, "the responsible management and use of the gifts and resources that God has given us. It involves taking care of and preserving these gifts for the benefit of others and for God’s glory."
Not to us, O Lord, not to us,
But to Your name give glory
Because of Your love and faithfulness.
Psalm 115:1 (NIV)
Did you know God has given each person spiritual gifts? It’s true! I love a good gift, and ones from the Father are the BEST! He uses your soul for wrapping paper! There are churches that offer ways to figure out your spiritual gifts. I went through my church and learned mine. I wasn’t too impressed with myself at first. Still, I’m wise enough to be humble about the gifts, but they provide a great guide for how we can best glorify Him while doing His work. For instance, I know Hospitality is NOT one of my gifts. I don’t rank high on the Mercy scale, either, but I’m working on that. If I push the places where I’m weak I can get discouraged and weary. So, how then can I use my gifts to steward my Mother while I’m here on earth?
I’ve decided it’s better to leverage my Spiritual Gifts rather than roll that boulder up the mountain. I am a natural encourager and manager. I can be wise and discerning (some of my spiritual gifts). So, if I can leverage my natural, God-given gifts and pray for the development of others to fill the gaps, maybe that’s something? I can also ask for help (novel idea). Personally, I’ve built some sort of support team because I know I can’t be everything to anyone. That’s part of the problem of care-giving. We sometimes feel like we’re being called to be everything to someone. Get real…we are not Jesus. But, we can be stewards, His hands and feet, the salt and light. We can love. We can love. We can pray. We can be kind.
And finally, remember you. I went to spiritual counseling at the beginning of this journey. I asked about the 5th command –
Honor your father and mother so you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.
Exodus 20:12 (NIV)
I really felt like I was failing on that one, because my parents were asking for everything. It was as if they wanted me to give them their old lives back. The very wise counselor asked me this, “You know the greatest command? Love the Lord your God with your heart, soul and mind…and love your neighbor as yourself. ARE YOU LOVING YOURSELF?” Mic drop. You are as worthy and deserving of peace and ______(fill in the blank) as your parent. Remember that. Remember to remember you.
That’s what I’ve got. Take good care.
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